Its been a while, just lately that's how all my blogs have started but I just give up with the blogging. It didn't help that it was my place to vent and it became about my relationship and then when things got bad I didn't want to blog because I knew he read it. I feel the need to blog today though because I'm suddenly lost in life.
It's been a tough few months and the people that I needed to be there in my life to tell me things would be okay were pretty much non existent. I complained in a summertime blog about how little I seen the people I considered my 2 best friends throughout the year and I'm sad to say that hasn't changed at all. Inside I feel selfish because they have full time jobs and partner to see but I just feel like they aren't my best friends any more. I've really REALLY needed them the last 2/3 months and I've seen them possibly once...
I guess nothing lasts forever and I'm naive to think a close friendship would but I finally thought I'd found two people who would be there for me as much as I would be there for them. They know I'd drop anything and everything if I needed them and in the past I have done but I don't feel like they would do the same for me. I don't mean with work commitments because I would never ask them to do that but I mean make that one minute for me. Everytime I text them 'come out this weekend' I generally get 'can't this weekend, next weekend' and then something comes up so they can't make that either. I know as people grow up they see eachother less but there's seeing eachother less and then there's not at all and this is not at all. Can't even remember the last time I seen them all together and it used to be at least once a week that we'd do something together as friends.
I don't even think they know anything about me any more, it's like they have proper lives now they don't need mates but I do, my friends are always gonna be important to me.
I guess I'm asking too much to see them, for them to be there right now, for them to let me be there for them how it used to be. I guess best friends don't exist as you get older, just friends in passing.
So I don't wanna tell you anything
I can't even think about
How you feel inside
But we are best friends, right?
I can't even think about
How you feel inside
But we are best friends, right?
With all this on my mind I've been very tempted to leave University for some time to go to where my Mum is with my children. I feel that there is absolutely nothing left for me in Manchester and I'd be happier if I moved away. It used to be Uni and my friends that kept me here but now that the friends who seem to care the most aren't even in Manchester I think why am I here? If I moved it wouldn't make a difference to my life except for leaving Uni. My kids would have me back full time and maybe I'd be happier with them because here in my hometown I feel lost, like I don't belong anymore. Its not home.
