Too Much Thought.....

I paid all my dues
And she wanted to know
That I’d never leave her
Now I’m ready to go
And strange as it seems
She’s endless to me
She’s just like paperwork
But harder to read

Patience, my enemy
And loving’s my friend
It’s harder to leave
With my heart on my sleeve
Than to stay and just pretend
Oh, she knows me so well
Oh, she knows me like I know myself

Its funny when you're in a relationship and you think too far into the future and then worry about it. I love my boyfriend very much but I always panic that something, somewhere, somehow it will go wrong. I often think that if.... just if he decided to up and leave one day what would I be like? I've let some people go without a fight, even if they were worth one and I've fought to hell for some people who weren't worth a nano second of my time. I don't know what I'd do if he walked away, I guess if he walked and I deserved it then I'd let him go, if he wasn't happy I'd also let him go just so he could find someone who could put that cheeky smile back on his face, but how I'd react..... that's beyond me. See I don't even know why I'm thinking like this.... maybe sometimes we are too good to be true because deep down I only enjoy our relationship when we're together, when we're apart I'm just panicking. He's the most difficult person in the world to read!! Maybe I should just stay quiet and put up with my worry..... maybe I should enjoy him till he fucks off!!

I really miss my friends lately so I've been making an effort to see more of them. I went to meet up with my best mate Chris today seen as I've hardly seen him since he moved to Uni 3 years ago so now he's back I'm making more of an effort to see him. Totally acted like big kids and went to see Lion King 3D, threw popcorn at each other and heckled Scar for killing Mufasa.... how dare he!!! Also get to see my Lois & Ade tomorrow night which I'm really excited for :) and thennnnn a week Saturday it's my house-warming so I get to see Alison!!! So glad I'm seeing my three besties over the next few weeks, they make me smile.

On other notes going home to see the babies soon hopefully. I spoke to my son today and he asked me what he always does when he gets on the phone (which isn't that often) 'You coming my house to see me soon Mum?' 

I love my babies so so so much!!!!

When you was just a young’un you’re looks but so precious
But now your grown up
So fly its like a blessing but you can’t have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It’s seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you’re sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn’t never figure out
How to love
How to love

See you had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love
How to love