If you have a secret, how long could you keep it? We all hold secrets within our lives, some more than others. In my 22 years on this earth I've had the little secrets otherwise known as rumors and I've had the secrets where I've had to consider peoples feelings..... 'I wonder if he knows shes cheated on him 2 years ago?'. I've had secrets where I've lied far too easily to protect people and I've had the secrets that really are no secret! Would you lie though and put your own feelings of a situation aside to remain friends with someone, and the only secret is you're lying about your feelings? Let me clear this up.
Last night I went to visit a mate of mine, I won't name names as this is after all a public blog and some people reading it may know who he is and to be frank wouldn't have realized how closer mates we used to be....kinda. After a falling out (again no details are needed) mainly on his part, which he fully accepts - for once with a man, I found myself building the bridges to become friends again, if I'm honest I missed him in my life. For the first time in what must be months I found myself agreeing to meet up, our friendship up to now had been solidly based around texts and whilst walking to meet him I wasn't entirely sure if I was ready to be friends face to face.
Last night I went to visit a mate of mine, I won't name names as this is after all a public blog and some people reading it may know who he is and to be frank wouldn't have realized how closer mates we used to be....kinda. After a falling out (again no details are needed) mainly on his part, which he fully accepts - for once with a man, I found myself building the bridges to become friends again, if I'm honest I missed him in my life. For the first time in what must be months I found myself agreeing to meet up, our friendship up to now had been solidly based around texts and whilst walking to meet him I wasn't entirely sure if I was ready to be friends face to face.
As I'm walking I see a sign - change lanes, change lives - I let the thought roll around in my head. Since I've started walking I've contemplated turning around, If I turn around now I wouldn't have to face him yet, I literally think of sitting at every bus stop to just not get there. When I see the change lanes, change lives sign I move onto the next row of concrete slabs on the ground stupidly thinking, it's a change. The evening air smelt musty and I worried more about seeing him, how awkward would it be, are him and I just going to pick up from where we left our friendship....or is it tainted for life? Are we even ready for being face-to-face friends yet? God the sir smells bad. I slow myself down the closer I get to the meeting point, pretty much take pin head steps, I'm too much like a child, I'm not thinking about this rationally, I wanted to be friends, what the fuck's up with me. I've always been a nervous person but situations like this where you're unsure how well something can be truly salvaged nerves are intensified by at least a billion percent, if that's a real percentage. When we fell out I promised myself I'd never let him into my life again, I'd never let him become a close and trusted friend....ever. I know we were only friends but when you lose someone you love who's been in your life since you were a teenager it's hard to hold yourself to your word. That's where the lies begin, mainly to yourself.
Can we afford to be that open with all of our emotions? When you get hurt by someone it's like playing with fire, do you put your hand back in the flames just to see how hot they are? I guess that's what I was doing, he was important to me (as are all my friends) and I know in my heart of hearts it's better to let bygones be bygones and all that jazz and as I said when I made the first move to become friends, I don't want to fall out over something so little. Surprisingly, we met, and it was just as if nothing had changed and although I swore to myself I'd never ever EVER let him into my life I have and yet again surprisingly I don't regret it, not yet anyhow. I wouldn't call him my best friend but I see sides to him most haven't and he brings out things in me that most couldn't, would I be a fool to let that go? Probably. You know when you have a good friend I guess. I've rambled quite a bit today so if you've made it to the bottom - thanks :).
If you have a secret, how long could you keep it?
If you have a secret, how long could you keep it?
Can we afford to be that open with all of our emotions?
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