Fucked Off...

I'm writing todays blog whilst I'm annoyed!!! FUMING! Okay so I live in university accommodation and yeah it sucks at times but 99% of the time I'm happy with it, only today I reckon it's almost worth leaving!!! So I live with ten other people, 4 of which I genuinely like, but, living with that many people and sharing a kitchen/fridge/freezer is just not working for me. Not.One.Bit. It's stupid when you buy your own food and come to eat it and voila its gone!! Now I know I'm ranting about miniscule items but right now I don't rightly give a fuck, I don't get money to provide for other grown adults in this house because they cannot be arsed to go to the shop around the corner, ultimate laziness!!!! It proper irritates me that I have to keep re-buying and I never say anything only this time I have!!!! Fucking right I have! Left a note, lets see how long it is before someone rips it up like last time ARGHHHHHH CUNTS!!!!! I don't get angry at much, the mess I generally clean, the noise I can deal with, the smoking indoors - whatever, but when I have to keep replacing things I've just bought it proper winds me up mainly because no one will dare say its them and no one will buy back the shit they've basically stolen. Twats!! Anyway I could go on all day about this but I won't!!!

Something, maybe the only thing, in my life right now making me smile is the Mr!! Still not an item but whatevs I'm too tired to think about what we could or should be!! He tells me what he wants but y'know, how seriously can I take him? I've been too hurt in the past to just accept that what he says is true, maybe I'm learning my lesson and becoming more weary around the male species. Good call. If I 'fall' for him, now that's a massive IF, then I literally risk undoing all this 'I'm finally happy single' work I've been doing the last year. To be honest I just don't know about anything. Maybe because I'm writing this angry I'm like 'fuck everything' but he isn't just some guy, he - to me - is my guy!! The only thing that makes me smile at the moment. Okay so the situation is confusing and whatever but I promised myself I wouldn't get bogged down in this, that I would accept the points at which he wanted to move forward in anything we have, not me. The ball has always been in his court. I reckon its more difficult for him than it is for me, he hasn't been in a relationship for I think 2 years or something close to that figure so in my head I don't get why he's spending so much time with me, why I'm different, or could potentially be something to him. Why would I....normal everyday girl.... be something to him? My problem is I want everything yesterday and that has gotta stop otherwise I could push him away or worse bloody scare him away!!! I'm gonna try be laid back, plus with him working all the time and the only two days he has off are being spent with his little 'un I think its very unfair of me to be demanding on time, so laid back its gonna have to be. Like it or lump it. I'm sure that he will make the effort, after all he is the only one who knows when he will have a little free time to squeeze me in. Fucks sake, so much for not thinking about things too much eh. Bottom line is I know he likes me (big smiles) but I don't know what he wants from me. Day at a time I guess!!!!

What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays?
You're the pretender

My thoughts they kind of shaky
Every time I get around you, sweet baby
Some times I don't know what I'm trying to say
Just tell me baby
Tell me things are gonna be okay 

And I, I get all choked up inside
And I don't know what to say
Sometimes I just wanna run and hide
But you just stand in my way