I Need Something To Do...

Its been 4 months since my last University lecture and 3 months since I had to do any sort of studying for an exam and while at that time I couldn't wait for a break I cannot tell you how bored I am. I'd hoped to fill my holidays up with a job, working hard long hours, complaining I was always tired but making money. After applying for 11 jobs and feeling like I was on a roll for just one days worth of searching I thought I must find something. But no!!! Not.One.Job. Annoying! Today I even thought of going to the extreme of messaging the manager at my old workplace and ask if there was anything going there, however when I worked there he wasn't my manager and that may seem a little forward. It's hard for me to get a job because of my situation, I'm always in my city and even though I'm a student I don't move away from here over the summer or Christmas period however this Christmas I'm going to Florida for my mums last holiday because she's ill (very ill) and I don't think any employer would appreciate the situation and would just say 'Sorry I need Christmas staff who are going to be here'. What they don't get is I would work hard and if this holiday was anything other than mine and my mums last holiday together I wouldn't be going. I need a job to keep my mind occupied off my mum, my kids and how much I miss them, in general just to keep it active and focused on something other than Twitter. 

I've seen a lot of things in my life
A lot of ups and downs
Made a lot of mistakes
No matter what, you've always been by my side

You stand by me

And you believe in me

Like nobody ever has

This summer has been a total washout in more ways than one. I always have a brilliant summer with my friends and I'm always left thinking no summer can top the one previous and thankfully I'm always pleasantly surprised, but not this year. This is possibly one of the worst summers I've had. I could count on both hands how many times I've seen my mates and gone out, quite possibly on one hand. Now don't get me wrong I'm not ignorant nor arrogant enough to not know that people get busy, things develop, shit changes but I cannot help but feel a bit down, disappointed and overall.... bored. I also know that my mates aren't there to make my life what it is or fun and exciting. Actually scratch that, they are there for all of them reasons. I guess as time goes on people have other priorities and slowly going out with your friends becomes least of them. Now I don't want anyone to mistake this blog for me having a go at such people because it's far from that, I'm simply commenting on how much things have changed in a year. You know its bad when you used to speak to your best friends every day and now you literally probably talk when you see eachother, once a month at a push. I remember this time last year I racked up a £378 phone bill when I went to Egypt for 3 days and was always on the phone to my mates, I also remember meeting my best mate in the whole wide world off a bus after she'd been away in the UK for just 2 weeks and getting crazy looks off the passengers when we practically jumped on eachother nearly having a crying fit. Those were the days. I just feel like I'm losing my grip with them, I'm not stupid and I know money, work, boyfriends and family all need their time too especially with some of the difficult things my best mate has had to put up with throughout her last year, I wouldn't be ashamed to say she is one of the strongest women I know, her and my mum are my everything and although she's not always there in person I do know she would be if she could, maybe I'm asking too much, maybe I want us to be 'young forever' and for us to always be as close as we were last year. I reckon once my bestest aka 'the wife' is back from her holidays I'm gonna propose (not the ring thing) that we see eachother at least once a week. At least. Even if we are skint, there's museums to walk to, art galleries to have a laugh in and a guaranteed colossal amount of gossip to get through!!! Alison, I love you with all my heart (I'd say Lois and Charlotte too but they wouldn't stick out reading this till now haha) and I'm so fiercely proud of you and everything you have done with your life and I will always always be your number one. I just wanna see you more 

When everything is wrong I'll come talk to you
You make things alright when I'm feeling blue
You are such a blessing and I wont be messing
with the one thing that brings light to all my darkness
You're my best friend and I love you

here is no other one who can take your place
I feel happy inside when I see your face
I hope you believe me
'Cause I speak sincerely
And I mean it when I tell you that I need you

I'm here right beside you
I will never leave you
and I feel the pain you feel when you start crying