In My Daughters Eyes...

You can say what you wanna say
What we have you can't take
From the truth you can't escape
I can tell the real from the fake

When will you get the picture
You're the past I'm the future

I'm totally breaking my own rules. One a minor blogging rule, two a rule I've always gone by. Rule one, left my blog for three days, oh how I've missed you, but I've been so so tired. 

Two! Having a relationship with a parent. Now this is hypocritical because obviously I'm a parent but I've always said I'd never get with someone who has children and I knew there was a reason I shouldn't!! The exes!! Me & the fella have been great, he literally is everything I want - he works hard, he's independent, he drives, he makes me happy and he treats me really well only now his ex is all irate about me affecting his time with his little boy - which I'm not!! Argh! Apparently using your phone to pretty much text while with your child is unacceptable, what planet is this girl on? It's not like I'm on the phone... or even texting that much tbh (everyone knows from my blogs what a lazy texter he is) but he updates his status on a social networking site to something about me and she flips! What.A.Nutter. I'm not one to come in between people, in fact I hate it so it's even worse when you're actually totally innocent and people just blame you because it makes them feel better. I'm possibly out of order for this blog as she is after all my boyfriends childs mother, but tbh I don't care. I've always been nice about the girl even when he hasn't because, 1 - I don't know her to comment and 2 - she's still my fellas ex to whom he has a child so to say anything bad about her whether I know her or not would be unfair. It's as if she doesn't want him in a relationship.... and after years of them being split up I don't really know what to gather of it....but if she stops him seeing his son because of me I'm gone!!! Not a chance is she using me as an excuse to get to him!! I care about him and his son too much to do that - and I haven't even met the little boy!! 

I think I like how your body feels next to me
Aw baby when you kissing me, aw baby when you're loving me
I can't describe what I want to do to you tonight
Aw baby when you come to me, I'll make it so you'll never leave

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

(oh and don't take the love literally, we're not quite there yet....not yet).

On a different note now. How freaking hard is it to find a house? My university housing fell through so I'm left to find somewhere in about 3 weeks. Three freaking weeks! If that's not bad enough I've had to cancel going down to my mums to watch her house while she's away, so that's even longer that I won't see my son!! I hate the fact that I have to find a house so quickly especially as it means losing time with my children. it's not so bad with my daughter as she is coming up to where I live but my son has to stay home with his auntie as he's back at school and I don't let him miss it, not after 6 weeks off anyway!!! So, stressed is not the word. I need a house share or a flatmate to find a house share with and because it's happening last minute and it's obvious alot of student housing has gone now so if I find anything it'll be nothing short of a miracle. 

I feel really stressed this week, I don't even know what's up with me, I just want to cry at anything and everything :/ reckon I need to pull myself together. It's probably just the worries of house hunting etc.... I hope so anyway, I can't be doing with this crappy mood for much longer. I'm counting down the days until I get to see my gorgeous girl again, 18 days cannot come quick enough. I miss my kids so much!!

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes